Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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