So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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