***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
