At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
