We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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