I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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