Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
