A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
