So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
