I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
