I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
