I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
