It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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