When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
