No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
