The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
