i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
