Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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