So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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