hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures