3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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