someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
