Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
my liver is dry heaving
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.