Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
