good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.