Non-Jews are for practice
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN