Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
