yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
