"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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