You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
