I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
