My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
