THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
