I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
