Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
