I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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