I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
