I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
