HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
