Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
