Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
