i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
