last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
