She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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