one might say we're banned from that church
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
