so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
