Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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