Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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