I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
