At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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