It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
