we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
