After last night, I could never be a politician.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
