I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
