Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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