can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
