It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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