I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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