Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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