bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
