i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
