Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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