I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
