Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
