I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
false alarm, still single
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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