He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
