the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
