my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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