we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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