i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
