I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
