You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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