OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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