He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Shame is for Republicans.
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