i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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