Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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