just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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