i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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