so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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