Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
