the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
