I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
