If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
