You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize