i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
