I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
