you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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