my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
