i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
