Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
