the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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