a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
