When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
